My Brain is Full

I like to learn. I think. I mean it hasn’t always come easily to me, but I like to have information. I made decent grades in school and enjoyed classes of particular interest to me. Back in the early days of my business, I was self-taught at everything. I couldn’t afford to pay someone so I did things myself. I became a semi-professional Googler.  If instructions on how to do something existed online, well, by God, I was going to find them and teach myself. Website. Online store. Blog. All of it.

Today, my social media feeds and inboxes (I have three of each) are inundated with offers to show me how to do stuff. Grow my Instagram following. Spruce up my online store. Master advertising on social media. Connect with more wholesale customers. Get my kid to stop being an ass. All of it. Sign me up! And the podcasts. I LOVE a good podcast. I really do. I enjoy listening so much that when I have to read it feels taxing. I know that’s sad, but I don’t care. It’s true. I especially love hearing from other people in my field who seem to have come through the dark tunnel of product creation and self doubt and emerged victorious on the other side. There’s proof! IT CAN BE DONE. Hallelujah!

I am presently 1/4 of the way through three different podcasts, which I really enjoy and really do aspire to catch up on. They are sitting in my app like the shows on my DVR–patiently waiting for me to play and delete. When? When can I do this? I can’t write while I’m listening so if I have anything on my agenda for the day that requires the least bit of concentration, then I have to work in silence. And I can’t listen any other time of day because then I’m Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom’d until I have paused so many times I don’t even remember the topic. No worries, kids. Pay no attention to the headphones attempting in vain to drown out the noise so I can hear this. Oh, you need a snack? Well, why didn’t you say so? I thought it was something that you could do for yourself.

My kids are growing up, and their school schedules are staggered by almost an hour, which means we are squeezing more crap into less time. The afternoons are not unreasonably full, but they are way more full than I would like–and that’s just with two activities each for my two kids. We are 75% home bodies here. If we never had to leave the house after 5pm, that would be OK. Add the homework, the extra credit, the reading fair assignments, the fundraisers. When is there time for me to learn? And I’m not talking about remembering how to divide mixed fractions for homework. “They” say to pencil it in, but I swear it doesn’t matter if it’s on my calendar or not. If something comes up, my carefully protected enrichment time is going out the window .

I’m on my phone when we’re on the run. Staying plugged in, checking my social media, my new Etsy shop, Facebook posts, stirring the pot, and trying not to die of boredom while waiting for lessons to be over. I have tennis elbow. Y’all. It’s from texting and holding my phone. It’s iPhone elbow. That’s pitiful. There’s not enough time, and I feel busier than a one-armed WAH graphic designer. How am I supposed to learn anything with all this crap going on? And why is everyone seeking me out wanting to teach me something? I could probably teach you a thing or two, but I won’t. Because I love you.

I’m an old dog. I just want to take a nap.

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